Panic First, Think Later

As long as I can remember, anxiety and panic have been a part of my life.  I was only four years old when I couldn't catch my breath on the octopus ride at Great America.  Ever since that moment (as I started to turn purple and gave my mom an even bigger panic attack) I have had a tendency to panic.  I'm not sure exactly where it comes from, this tendency.  I think much of it probably is hereditary.  My mom and her sisters have made an official family mantra: "Panic First, Think Later".  This comes from not being able to get a hold of someone on the phone and always assuming the worst.  For example, if I don't hear my phone ring when my mom calls, her mind automatically has me not only dead in a ditch somewhere, but also killed by an axe murderer.  After we realize that the person is in fact perfectly fine, then comes the realization that the panic and over-worrying was actually kind of silly.  The really interesting part of this is that it's not just my mom and her 5 sisters that have this tendency, but also me and most of, if not all of, my female cousins.

I can't speak for the rest of my family, but the panic that I feel in that moment when I'm sure the worst has happened to one of my loved ones may seem silly after the fact, but in that moment of panic it feels completely valid.  I find this happens a lot when I panic or feel anxious.  When my heart rate speeds up and I start feeling that all-over cold feeling that signals an attack, there's no doubt in my mind that my feelings are real, but after the fact when I have calmed down and I'm once again in my happy place, I think about how there was no reason to be so fearful.  I am perfectly safe, I wasn't going to die, that lump in my throat was just my imagination, everyone is fine.  I think about these after-the-fact moments a lot now when I start to panic.  Sometimes it actually helps :)