A date? Sure, just let me throw up first...

While anxiety and panic have always been with me, there are only specific times in my life where I remember it really being an issue.  There are a few times from my early childhood that I still remember - being in a crowded restaurant with my family, in a crowded gym during my brothers' band performances when the lights were going to be turned off, an entire summer when I was 8 when I thought I was going to die - these are the moments that really stick out in my memory, although, I'm sure there were others that I have forgotten with pleasure.

When I was 16 or 17, I had my first "real" boyfriend.  Real in the sense that we actually went out on dates and the relationship lasted for more than a week.  I was always so nervous before seeing him, and was usually pretty nervous during our dates too.  I always avoided food when I was around him because I was so worried that I would end up throwing up in front of him.  The good news is that over the 6 or so months that we were together, I lost quite a bit of weight - the bad news being, how are you supposed to have a relationship with someone that you can't be around when eating?

My next relationship was a couple of years later, during my first year in college.  Most first year college students worry about gaining weight...well, not me.  I probably lost 15 pounds.  I started to make a habit out of throwing up before he would come to pick me up.  I figured if I threw up ahead of time and tried to avoid eating during our date, I shouldn't have to worry about throwing up while I was with him.  Pretty ridiculous, huh?  Well, besides that, it really was a horrible relationship.  We were complete opposites spiritually, and there was really no way it was going to turn into anything long term.  A horrible relationship, but completely necessary for my growth as a person, and to help me understand what I needed and wanted in a relationship.  It was a good thing that relationship ended when it did.  The next week, I met the man that would be my husband.  On our first date we went out to eat.  Guess what?  I had no problem eating my dinner.  He was, and still is the man of my dreams; my soulmate.  Maybe my anxiousness in my previous relationships were just my body's way of telling me that I hadn't found the right guy yet. :)